Several Reasons I know God legitimately Loves me:

Reliving sorority awkwardness...why?

Funfetti!

Poppers!

Merciful & Slow to Anger

Last night, I was blessed to be able to see Shane & Shane and David Crowder play.  Shane & Shane started out with my favorite song of theirs, taken from Psalm 145:

“The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.  The LORD is good to all, and His mercy is over all that He has made.”

This description appears over and over in GOD’s Word, essentially His self-disclosure to us.  For example:

Exodus 34

⁶The LORD passed before him and proclaimed,^(A) “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and^(B) gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast^(C) love and faithfulness, ^7(D) keeping steadfast love for thousands,^[a](E) forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but^(F) who will by no means clear the guilty,^(G) visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

Jonah 4

²And he prayed to the LORD and said, “O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country?^(A) That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a^(B) gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster.

This means a) that people saw this aspect of GOD’s character experientially and b) GOD deemed this aspect of His character “profitable for teaching”  (2Tim3:16).

I’ve always questioned the purpose of the Fall; if we worship a God that is sovereign (all knowing, all powerful), WHY would He let perfect man, whom He created in His image to bear witness to His name, rebel against Him?  I think part of the answer can be found in this attribute of GOD: His merciful love.

If man had not fallen to a state of complete depravity, rebellious in EVERY way, GOD’s love would have been limited to loving creatures that were perfect.  How much more do we experience (and therefore worship) GOD’s love when we see it painted against our rebellion?

As image-bearers, let us aggressively pursue mercy and grace by looking to GOD’s example through Christ.   I contend that it alone displays the FULLNESS of LOVE that we, as ambassadors, are meant to portray to a hurting world.

1John4:

¹⁰In this is love,^(V) not that we have loved God^(W) but that he loved us and sent his Son to be^(X) the propitiation for our sins.

Redefining Joy.

As I entered the New Year, the Lord laid the word JOY heavily upon my heart.  On New Year’s Eve, I found myself back in the same place that is all to familiar: lacking consistent joy.  I have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that the Lord didn’t naturally wire me to naturally bounce around the room; but, He didn’t.  Move on and do the best with what you’ve been given.  But in even that surface-level analysis, I had to ask myself what the true definition of JOY is.

Defining my “joyless state” involved getting caught up in “is this the next step I should take?” and “when, Lord?”  “where, Lord?”  I found that JOY can only be found in HOPE: hope in the person and work of Jesus Christ.  He is the One, the only One, that can satisfy our deepest longings.  The pursuit of joy in knowing Him and savoring the Gospel, His love for us (and me), somehow got sideswiped by a pursuit of obedience.  Oh Satan, how crafty you are!  Even the pursuit of Godly things: the will of God, His plan, His timing, etc. all will leave us empty, if we’re not careful.  My heart, desiring obedience, deceived me.  It is  not the path or end goal of major decisions I am after: that in itself will not satisfy.  I am after the living God, knowing Him more, and thus, savoring Him more.  Thanking Him more.  Seeing Him for who He is.  Seeing love for what it is.

The next few days, as I was blessed to sit around a lakehouse with friends (ok, they’re truly sisters at this point), the Lord asked me to “sit” and “stop striving.”  So sit I did.  In doing this, I was blown away as my eyes were rightfully re-directed back to Him.  First, through Ezekiel’s vision of the Glory of the Lord, He reminded me that He created the world to show us bits of who He is.  EVERYTHING in it was created for the purpose of displaying His glory.  We know a glimpse of power because we’ve seen natural disasters.  As the “grand finale,”  He brought me to Colossians 1, specifically verse 19: ^“For^(AU) in him all the^(AV) fullness of God was pleased to dwell.”  He has shown us the FULLNESS of who He is in the person of Jesus. How incredibly gracious is this!

So, for 2010, I resolve to pursue joy.  To fight for joy.

Psalm 37

Delight yourself in the LORD,and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 29

¹Ascribe to the LORD, O heavenly beings,^[a]
(A) ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
²Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in^(B) the splendor of holiness.

Bittersweet.

Here is another bit from Matt.

via Video from Matt.

Although our hearts are grieving, the Lord is clearly using this trial to refine our hope in the promised day to come, the revelation, the end of all suffering, trials and pain.  Matt constantly communicates his desire that our church would grow deeper rather than wide, and I think this may be the Lord’s response.  Who are you reliant on, church?  Do you trust Me, my purposes, my love?

Throughout Scripture, we are encouraged to look to Jesus when we are called to endure.

Psalm 34

⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

Hebrews 12

²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

We know that all things work together for His glory, so by directing our eyes back to Him in an attempt to endure trial, He is accomplishing His purposes.  And in the meantime, we wait and hope in the things to come.

Encouragement from Pastor Matt

For those that haven’t heard, our pastor Matt Chandler was recently diagnosed with brain cancer.  Here is his post prior to going into surgery.  I pray that it encourages you as much as it has encouraged me personally, and our church.

My Heart is full…I am Thankful.

Waiting.

Romans 11

³³Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and^[i] knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
³⁴“Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”^[j]
35“Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay him?”^[k]
36For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.

Over the past few months especially, the Lord has been asking me to cling to the truths of His character.  All-knowing.  All-powerful.  All-loving.

I’ve discovered that it is entirely too easy to “take for granted” gifts the Lord has given us and plans that we have for our future.  If they are gifts from Him, doesn’t that mean they are His to begin with?  If we believe in a completely all-knowing and all-powerful God, aren’t “our plans” really His plans?

In His inscrutible wisdom and plan, He has asked me to “wait” on leaving for Guatemala.  I can sit here and say “I think this is why, etc.,” but I recognize that I only see in part.  So, I will wait. What   makes waiting possible, when it is for something that my heart desires?  His authority over my life.  His wisdom.  His love for me.   I am confident in these things.  I am confident that He has called me to go, but knows the best timing.  I am confident in His ways, His paths, His guidance.  There is a great temptation to question His ways, but I know If left alone, I would surely lead myself astray.  So, I wait.

In thinking about how to communicate this decision to family, friends, the pastors and the team itself, I experienced great fear.  Would I be perceived as flaky, indecisive, unreliable, one that can’t take the heat, one that is not serious about this?  It took a week to tell my own mother.  As I went back and forth, feeling the weight of the decision and the potential cost to others, I finally found peace in my desire to pursue the Lord’s will above all else.  I can relate to missionary Jim Eliot on this subject:

“For I have known my heart is speaking to me for GOD….no visions, no voices, but the counsel of a heart which desires GOD.”

He never said the path of obedience was easy or made sense.  He simply said “follow me.”  Here goes nothing.

“I didn’t doubt it for a second”

On Tuesday, I got my official note (well, call) of acceptance for the team.  If all goes as planned and money is raised, we will leave Aug 2010.

Unlike some of the others that I’ve heard from, I didn’t feel like I had a burden lifted in that moment.  My mom’s response to the news best illustrates my own sentiment: “I didn’t doubt it for a second.”

Its funny, when you’re promised something from the world, a friend, a best friend, a family member…regardless of the strength of the vow or promise, there is always a piece of me that knows that it may not happen.  When GOD Himself calls you to something, there’s a peace that it will.  It may not look like how I thought it would (more often than not, it doesn’t), but His Word never returns void.  There’s peace in that truth.

Lately, the LORD has been teaching me to trust in Him fully.  He’s put things in my path that look a bit crazy, but in the end, blessed are those that take refuge in Him. My fears are no match for His promises.

Psalm 5

¹² For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous;
you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Take Me Apart…I Think?

I’ll give you all of me, for all You are

Here I am, Lord take me apart

…All I am I want to lay down at Your feet.”

- You Are, Tenth Avenue North

This week has been tough for me.  I have no doubt in my mind that I am entering (slash have entered) a season of intense refinement in preparation for next year.  I am being stripped of comforts and securities and joys, left feeling a bit distraught, fearful and frustrated.

Thankfully, I have people standing by me to point me back to truth and direct my eyes back to the Lord.  In the midst of my gloomy and exhausted state, the Lord has spoken and has begun to restore a sense of normalcy and joy.  The fact of the matter is that my contentment and joy has to be rooted in God’s character and work on the cross.  I have been blinded by the impossibilities set before me.

In a book I was reading this week, the author talked about justification AND sanctification as a gift.  Salvation – yes.  But the tough and excruciating work of tearing us apart, only to be rebuilt anew…a gift?  Although it is hard to see it in the midst of the tearing down, I have hope in the rebuilding and replacing with a stronger, more Spirit-filled me.

I have my first fundraising meeting, meeting with church staff and final interview in the next few weeks, so more to come on those fronts.

P.S. Here’s a team pic – the 4 girls and pastor Francisco (left) and Juan (right)!

I guess this could be considered our "before" picture...

“And My GOD Will Meet All Your Needs…”

Through the generosity of a few people this week, the LORD has provided for a) close to the full amount of my week of training and b) fees for a full semester of the Perspectives class in the Spring.  Neither were spoken needs, but through no effort of my own, they were both taken care of.

I am in awe, and once again, am encouraged and reminded of the Lord’s perfect provision.

Ephesians 3:20-21

²⁰Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Praise Him!

Oh, Moses.

Last week our team travelled to Orlando, the land of 90 degree humidity…in October.  I keep referring back to the training as the “pressure cooker,” so the weather fit in beautifully.

Now that I’m a little removed from the week, I can really appreciate what happened.

All in all, I find myself constantly asking for my eyes to be directed back to GOD and His purposes.  As soon as they are self-focused or even circumstance-focused, fear and and quite frankly, an unwillingness to go, are inevitable.  He is the one that called me to this ministry.  He is the one that will HAVE to provide strength and aptitude to face the year that lies ahead.  He has the ability to know all things, change all things, empower all things.

When I got back, I was reminded of Moses’ call in Exodus.  I love and can completely relate to his responses: “O Lord, I have never been eloquent” and finally…”O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”  I feel inadequate in my abilities and I have, at times, been extremely tempted to quit before this whole thing ramps up. What person in their right mind would willingly place his/herself in the line of fire?

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for thoes who have been trained by it.  Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.  Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” – Hebrews 11:11-13

Here goes nothing…

P.S. First round of team pics to come shortly.